Thursday, March 25, 2010

&you don't even know it yet.

have you noticed that i always give my blogs amazing titles?
I actually really like them.
they typically make sense to me, but no one else.

anyway, i'm really cool.
so are the people I walked home with today.
people I'm in fact, not that close with.

it was cool.

we were those scary white kids who shout at the private schoolers.

I had a pretty good day.
it sucks to be leaving.
I mean, it SUCKS to be leaving.

I probably have to go.
I'll be getting weird looks from my parents.
I feel cute.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

hey pop!

he reads this. did you know that?
i need:

literally, i need them.
because I'm leaving tomorrow and I kind of won't be able to get them.

literally, i NEED them.

I will miss blogging, but in the mean time I'll write down my thoughts and share them when I get back.

and you know the problem with putting clothes in with family laundry?

it never comes out.

hang me up to dry.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

i don't feel cute.

and i'm speechless.

I cried today.

There's something wrong with me.
For some reason I was like dying laughing today. seriously.

And I went to the doctor. where there are these whiny kids who cryyyy.
and scream. and
my appointment is at 3:00.
I have a history project to do.
I'm in the waiting room at 3:30.
I have a project to do.
I don't actually do anything until 4:00,
where they weigh me and I lost 11 pounds.
They ask me questions and take my blood pressure, low.

I might have anemia.
I probably have anemia.
I hate doctors.
they're stupid.
"you should eat meat."
um, no.
not happening.

you could say bad day.

Monday, March 22, 2010

heeeeeeeeeeeere's my day.

up laate.
up early.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

"I would have a boner if I were any other guy."

"But you don't?"
"No, we're too close for that."

black out in the room again

a busted lip and broken skin.
I wake up in the bathroom an dare not bother asking
why the mirror's cracked and all I see,
shards of glass inside of me.
there's voices there to dare me,
my father's here to scare me.
My mother, she sits beyond the door.
She's curled up, crying, on the floor.
Look at what her son's done
when the weight of the world goes wrong.

liars, they leave a guilty trail.
let me tell you
I've been lying for years.

I'm disregarding that I have created these monsters
that are on both of my sides.
so i wipe the blood from both of their eyes
from all four of their eyes.

and while I wait for wounds to heal,
I see you by the window sill
you're heart's torn out of a plastic spoon
when honesty lit up that room.

I like that song. No, I love that song. It's so beautiful. Well I wouldn't call it beautiful,
I'd call it raw.
I miss my iPod. I've been neglecting it.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

my secret.

i have a secret fetish for black guys. there's no way around it.

and that's why i would wear a helmet.

I wanna be one of those people who rides motorcycles.
No lie, I would be the junior, instead of riding the bus, drives a motorcycle to school.
whoa, that'd be hot.

today, today was great.

so I'm leaving on thursday night. ohmygosh, whoo!

Friday, March 19, 2010

take it off! take it all off!

this is what we shouted while stalking the track team.
I found 6 four leaf clover today. Must be pretty lucky.
and unfortunately I just don't feel like eating.
I ran a 10 minute mile today. woo.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

give me a chance and I'll take it.

I'm supposed to be doing an essay, instead I blog. But if you think about it, it's sort of the same thing.
Today, I missed my bus because I was busy being a hug whore. totally worth it.
I was going to go stalk the track team with Caroline and be embarrassing and shout and stuff, but unfortunately we got a ride home.
Today was great out,
and I called my friend who is amazing. (I like your pants. But they'd look better on my floor.)
And then I went across the street and ate their food and watched them play basketball and then tried to play soccer (final score. me:2 danny:0). Then I made a sandwich at their house with spicy mustard and provolone cheese and lettuce. IT WAS AMAZING!
I didn't wear makeup today, but oddly enough don't feel ugly.

Jon and Gerald (hrmph.) decided they didn't need us, they would speak japanise to eachother and whisper. Then they started sharing pictures. Me and Kayla were very upset. very very upset. this is tragic stuff.
there was then a war, with- oh what are they called. some kind of japanise candy, and
attempted seduction.
We retaliated, and spoke spanish/french.

When we made peace, we played a game called where's Gerald?
where we look at Gerald's pictures from his school in the Philippines, where they all look pretty similar and we guess which one is Gerald. It's actually quite fun.

We then suggested writing a movie called Where's Gerald? Where we lose Gerald somehow and use our Gerald identifying skills to locate Gerald.
Quite the the film of the year.

I ought to go and write an essay, then do a math quiz. FUNNN.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

i just learned something.

you know how on tv, they're like,
let's go talk about the birds and the bees son.
I say this because I am not a son and therefor do not know.
I know what that means!
so, pollen. it's like semen. and broccoli, it's ovaries. so we are encouraged to eat ovaries.
but anyway, pollen, it's spread around via birds and bees.
get it?!

No one is alone.

I'm not big on this whole sick thing. It's a stomach-head-double head thing. I went home early.
I just saw a verizon commercial and they were like, which network would moms want? and you see a 15 year old who's shopping alone "for the first time." ha. and then you see the mom who's all upset about her daughter going shopping for the first time, and the mom is like 28 years old.

This isn't good advertising. Surrusly.

I'm not actually into Flash Forward, I just want all the answers. This waiting, I don't like it.

Here's what I want for my birthday:
A temporary tattoo maker. I can draw my own temp tats! that'd be sweet.

I think I'm a tuna addict. Now that I don't eat meat it's like, my favorite thing now.
It's good. It's really good. And you tuna haters, you suck.

I really don't like migraines. I'd like to not be dizzy, and light headed but unfortunately I am.

Here's what I'm thinking.

Enough with the jew jokes. You are stupid, and people don't like you, and you just make yourself seem like an ignorant tool.

And unfortunately I don't have the courage to give names. Because then people get upset and that's just ridiculous.

I want more tuna.
I also am tired. And have been having strange dreams.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

I've woken up.

From something like a 10 month trance. A time when my mind was blank, with no real inner monologue. A time when there were no expectations, no excitement, no emotion. This is something jarring. My mind is now swarmed, with thoughts that never came out, things I don't want to admit to myself, things I don't want to forget.

It's in my mind, everything. It's not clear. It's a deep haze of feelings and thoughts and today's conversations, of failures and successes and how I feel about my valuing the failures over successes. Maybe to be numb and live with no disappointments is better.

It's something like a headache, that hurts all over and I need to lay down. It's something like these odd dreams I don't want to wake up from, that I can't remember in the morning.

Something like I thought I was doing well, until I realized I'm not and I could explode. Something like how maybe I'm overwhelmed, or maybe I just think I am.

But here it is:
It's hard to read blogs that aren't interesting.
It's hard to accept that you don't like the changes you see.
It's hard to think that you can't get things back from the past, even yourself.

It's easy to live up to expectations. It's hard to change them.
It's odd thinking that I was one thing, but to realize I'm not.

Now it's a mess of lyrics I like, songs I like, images I like.
And it's people I don't like, and the things they do.
It's things I want to do, things I should do, and lacking the willpower.

It's a migraine to realize a lot of things.

I'm going to go, and do homework. And maybe after that, put some things on my wall.
But then I'll have a follow up on the irrelevant raindrops of a thundercloud in my mind that's starting to make a puddle.

Monday, March 15, 2010

he tasks me, he tasks me and I shall have him.

This is a random picture. I took it. You sort of have to turn sideways to see it but I think it somewhat resembles photography. After talking to my cousin, I am confused about what to write in a blog that is reader-friendly. Because no one wants to read a blog that's all about me. And I could talk about movies and books I read, but that doesn't seem like the best use of my time. Blogs are for ranting. Blogs are for complaining. Blogs are for thinking that other people care when they really don't. Blogs are for writing things that you think are good but really don't make sense to anyone else.
I wish this were better, because then I would have such a good outlet. If it were better, I could write things and people would read them, and those words would have some value.

I like basketball.

Monday, March 8, 2010

esta el mundo en mi cabeza.

Para escribir en espanol es mas facil que escribir en ingles.
un poco.
I realized that if I don't want to say something, or think it, or accept it, I say/think/accept in Spanish.
estoy triste, no quiero ir a la escuela manana.
Me se amo mi Abuela magnifica.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

es mas fuerte de yo.

My oldest blog posts were sooo muchhhh better than these are. Looking back at the most recent posts, you can't understand any of what I write.
I think maybe I should change the whole blogging style, make it more reader friendly. But realistically, who reads this? I think a couple people might once in a while, but it's not like there's that much to read about.

I will now tell you about things.
I saw Alice in Wonderland. Twice.
I hated it. No, it wasn't bad. But you know when something happens, and people say, "that ruined it for me." this literally did. All it was was Johnny Depp dancing with some cheesy techno music and it was awful. It literally ruined the whole movie for me. So this movie was reminiscent of several other nerdy movies. The war scene from Narnia, most of The Golden Compass, Star Wars V, on the planet Hoth. Alice's character was similar to Kierra Knightly in Pirates of the Carribian. But overall it wasn't a bad movie at all.
I'm gonna eat. byee.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

I want you, you, you.

I loovee that song. so great.
If I could marry my science class, I would.
Eating ice cream out of a mug is better than out of a bowl, by far.
School gives me a headache.
I went ahead (peer pressure) and got a formspring.
I'm scared people will be mean, but I'll practice my wordy comebacks.
this is a short post. but i thought i should post.